I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
the people next to us in line are buying a 12 pack and a snuggie
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize
