he accidentally used the toothbrush i use to induce my bulemia...i feel like this is something he shouldnt find out...
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
My feelings are currently in a sea of vodka and "I don't give a shit"
Aren't they always?
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
This dude has batman tighty whities on over his cargo pants and he has the nerve to yell "fuck you bitch" up at my window.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Randomize
