is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I just can't promise there won't be a reason to hit you in the face with a dildo again in the future.
And know that if I ever text "road head?" that it comes from a place of caring and not a place of heartlessness..
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Grilled cheese and shark week. Unemployment done right.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
