Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
just read twilight to her over the phone, while in the bathtub, candlelight...i'd love to say no homo but that was so gay.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
you 2 were alone in the living room and the dog walked in and you started yelling what are all these people doing in here
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
If I shall die, I wish to bequeath to you my personal library, my sigma tau delta presidency and all it's apparel, and a puppy.
Randomize
