I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
So last week was the 4th time a girl cried after sex. I'm seriously doing something wrong
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
so i showed up to the bars in a sombrero and a tie as a headband... so yeah, they didn't let me in
i just wanted have a romantic star gaze moment with him. untill he let out a massive fart.
Randomize
