I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
You kept screaming how great you were at drawing poptarts and you insisted on drawing them all over my forearm
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
ah lol cocaine is strange when I dose I feel like an elephant running through a grocery store
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
