I'm pounding a vodka drink as we speak to make her interesting
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Denial and avoidance are my survival strategies for 2013.
Denial, avoidance and beer.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
Randomize
