he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
She wasn't to happy when she went to put her shirt on and it was covered in cum I just looked at her and said collateral damage....
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
I just watched an old episode of Daria while eating brownies to cure day drunkness. Clearly I'm winning at adulting today.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
