There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
My pants are on and I'm pretty sure I tried to throw them at someone.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm kind of pissed I'm not hungover, that means I could have totally drank more last night.
Randomize
