Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
i just spent the last half hour thinking about my totally irrational and intense hatred of wedge flip flops.
I don't have the money to get a cast so we made one from stuff at the craft store.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
How did I end up with the cock ring?!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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