where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
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