you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
Randomize
