Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
He licked the chalk off his shirt, then spat the Mountain Dew from his mouth onto the shirt and sucked on it. And thats him sober.
Got robbed by knifepoint. Then got sympathy Bj. I might have to walk down Austin ave drunk every weekend
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I'm glad I get the same reaction from you for cookies and for my naked body
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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