It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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