I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
These tits shall not be calmed
In all the years we have had drunk sex, have we ever done it in a bed?
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
Randomize
