Can i not drive my cunt home
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
Half my make-up was stuck to his thigh where I'd fallen asleep after the blowjob.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
No no, there's drunk and then there's 'spooning with lawn gnomes' drunk.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
