was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
What is it in my brain that makes me look at a penis and think "that belongs in my mouth"?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
