Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
I'm so confused. I feel like I just intentionally took roofies to see where I'd end up.
I am sitting here. Drinking from a bottle of vodka. Eating shredded cheese from a bag and waiting on him to pick me up after he finishes with his girlfriend. This is what dreams are made of.
He's a little cute, in a dorky, I-know-for-a-fact-his-cock-is-huge kind of way
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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