I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Is it ok to bone a former patient who is also a client? Since it is two negatives does that cancel and become a positive?
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Randomize
