Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
Randomize
