Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize
