Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Went home with a 29 year old from the bar. Life lesson: 9 year olds stay up late sometimes
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
