just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
If i ever have a kid with an outie i'm giving it up for adoption
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Randomize
