One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
I found him in the livingroom trying to soak up broken glass with the clock from the kitchen.
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
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