did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
high in an attic. pig roast in 10.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I don't deserve a penis
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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