i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Come help me clean. I know we won't be getting our security deposit back...but I would like to move out with our dignity.
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
Randomize
