You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
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