i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Randomize