Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
I was a battlefield of empty bottles and bodies. We though we won, but the booze had the last laugh.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
Randomize
