We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
i came on her dog
when i got there he was on top of an air mattress in the middle of the pool with a bag of doritos and a 40 telling people he needed his space.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
