so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
