chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
he's gonorrhea incarnate
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
Dude, he wouldn't have sex with me during halftime cause we were rooting for different teams and that would be "bad juju", I had to settle for 69.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
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