is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
i got two bottles of merlot and sorrows to drown, you in??
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
Apparently I still called the officer "sir" despite the fact I was at a .21 BAC. Southern girls are raised right
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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