This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
Just saw all the pictures from the party. I'm wearing a different shirt in every single one.
The trainer from the tech college told me that I would pass the first aid course so long as I turned up sober. Challenge accepted
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
I got dominos and had to stop whilst eating and take a moment of silence for how good it was
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize