Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize