Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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