Dude, just got a bummer.
What??
A blow job from a homeless chick.
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
We have a bucket list tonight. Not done yet. Gotta climb a building
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
I went out to dinner with the girls thinking I'd be home early. Instead I ended up in the Englishman's hotel room. Long Live The Queen.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I wanted to write an apology letter to my vagina after that.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
