just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You tried to call the hospital and left a voicemail asking if you could be put on the liver transplant list as a "pre-caution"
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
Id prob hit it, but i instagram edited her picture to make her look better. Ha. She should fuck me just for that.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
Randomize