I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
So apparently I shook her hand very polite, said weiner and walked away
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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