evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
