walking home from your place the other day I saw a man with a ponytail sitting on some church steps petting a plant
he should get drunk with us
Ricky Martin is gay. You owe me $10 from 3rd grade.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
Randomize
