i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
not only did he puke in his mouth and hold it.. He also sneezed while doing this
Randomize
