You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
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