So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Found an earplug stuck to the inside of my thigh this afternoon. Just how much noise were we making?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
I'm driving home wearing one sock, boxers, and a tee shirt. That's how good it was
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
There is a midget in cheetah face paint on a leash here
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
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