i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Let me rephrase. Would it display my intentions too much if i walked all the way across my office and into the bathroom carrying my book
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
