a queef is a wish your heart makes.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
A nap. You broke your hand napping in Vegas.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
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