Getting 10 cents back for every can is really just encouraging alcoholism.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
You shouted “im bobby labonte!” In the process of shoutgunning a beer. He said you were too redneck for him...
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize