u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I've never watched DWTS before, but this show's got Pamela Anderson, Erin Andrews and Brooke Burke: 3 of my top 10 all time most masturbated to women.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
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