so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I woke up with a flask of whiskey and a mason jar full of sausage in my tux jacket. south georgia is where i belong
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
We aren't doing Shrooms tonight bc that would be friendship cheating on you
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Randomize
