Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
No offense, I mean I'm sure you rocked my world and all but I don't remember.
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
