I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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