i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
