there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
But I think I successfully seduced her with my alias.
Randomize
