i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
Randomize
