I'm too stoned for this. I'm Canadian.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
How does she give head with a nose like that? It looks like she has a plantain stuck in the middle of her face.
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Randomize
