so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
Randomize
