Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
He started telling people I was Stephen Hawking's son. When that didnt fly he switched to Tony Romo's cousin
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Power went out. She lit a candle and gave me head. Made some pretty impressive candlelight cocksucking shadowpuppets. Must be what porn was like in olden times.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
On a not really funny at all but kinda brighter note I've gotten really good at texting in hand cuffs
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
You know we have no secrets, right? I mean, you saw me shitting in a gift bag drunk and naked on Christmas eve.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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