He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Weekday college schedule so far: get high as tits. Watch Family Guy marathons. Repeat.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Just please don't close your legs while I'm down there again. I don't want my death to be labeled as "Head crushed while giving an individual cunnilingus".
The Dick I got last night was so phenomenal that I had to take a fucking personal day today.
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