if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
its not facebook stalking, its market reasearch
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
I feel like a bottle of fireball rented a bull dozer and ran me over until I was left without a shred of my dignity
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
Randomize
