Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
Randomize