The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I puked for half an hour, but I went and danced afterwards, and that made me feel better.
You are so irish.
and i had to drink on "never have i ever unsuccessfully tried to seduce a virgin ginger"
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
he fell asleep naked and all I'm doing is staring at his weird balls
Randomize
