i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
dont worry, it'll just be a conversation starter like "why did you get that pierced?" or "wow, i got arrested there too"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
this is you don't wonder off at 3 am with no pants on. Just stay there and pray to god you don't get arrested for being on school property.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
COOKIE DOUGH CUPCAKES ARE A THING
Did you really just send me a blank text in response to news as awesome as that?
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
third nipple confirmed
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
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