How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
All i remember was he was wearing billibong pants... well actually my mom found that out for me.
two words...techno handjob
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
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