He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
I'm 80% sure I have pink eye. This is my penance for being a homewrecker.
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Randomize
